This tiny old house was in a rural part in the middle of France
between Limoges and Paris.
hi....I'm home. It's been 2-1/2 days now and it's very nice seeing my family after almost 3 weeks.
This has been the longest we've ever been apart and I'm happy to say it was as hard on them as it was on me. :) Heaven forbid I leave for over 2 weeks and they feel it's as if I'd never left!
I've got a range of emotional and physical feelings regarding my trip and being back. I'm happy
to be home where I feel safe and loved. I can actually remain in one place for days with no future
plans to board an airplane anytime soon...that's a relief.
I feel I've been physically and emotionally tested in so many ways, good and not so good.
Since I'm an emotional person, that basically means I've cried a lot since I've been back.
I'm feeling pretty fragile at the moment and will certainly need to work this out over time.
My hubby and I have poured over so many of my experiences in France....he asked me what
my hopes were for this trip....besides the obvious such as seeing France again, flea markets, time with friends...Linda and Opie O'Brien....my most important and most anticipated hopes surrounded the time spent with my Mom, whom I love with all my heart. I imagined that we would, for the first time in our lives, take a trip together as two adults (I'm nearing 44 yrs of age), as two friends. I imagined an adventure together and bonding closer than ever before. While we had bits and pieces of good times, in reality, it wasn't an easy trip.
Tell me this....when do we, as daughters, give up the dream that a day will come when we will be respected as adults by our mothers? That as adults we are used to making our own decisions, taking care of our own messes, raising our children, etc.? We have our own ways of doing things that are different than how our Mom's do things. And....within these boundaries, our Mother will love and accept us, respect the fact that we (ok, me) not only have adult lives apart from them, but actually are raising wonderful kids, have an amazing marraige, are capable of making decisions....Honestly, I'm venting, so it seems I'm talking in circles.
I'm now closing in on 44 yrs of age and I find that coming to the realization of an adult friendship with my mother, the one I was hoping for, isn't meant to be. I know and believe that we love each other....but am resigning myself to the fact I will always, in the eyes of my Mother, need to be parented when we're together.