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Today I'm reading, listening, watching...

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Jul 07, 2006


not to make light... but I've often found (here I go again) that with any creativity comes some kind of depression. I've been there and many many many of my friends have been there... for some reason the more brilliantly creative the person I know is, the deeper the depression, or boughts of depression are. I swear it's linked to hormones (I've revolted against the BC pill), our environment as well as genes. I can always feel my depression coming on and I fight it tooth and nail. I try to get some exercise, cut out the caffeine, warn everyone (duck and cover!) and start a new project to keep distracted. The shop always helps. I HAVE to be there and my customers take my mind off my own stuff... (you think YOU are having a bad day... listen to some of their stories! eeeek!). Oh, idea... "artist's yoga workshops" - art for the sake of unwinding, to stretch your mind and forget all your worries. We could SO sell that! hehe! Thank you so much for sharing and being so open... life is such a curious series of events...
Hi Tracy...I found your blog on a friends list of links and I started reading. I was so touched by your story. You could be speaking from my mouth! I appreciate and understand every word you have said! For me, I will take medication every day of my life...that's my commitment to m.? Do I need it every day? Probably not, but I don't want to risk it. I feel too good! I just take my Wellbutrin and Celexa with my diabetes medication and my multi-vitamin! One thing I can say, is that when I start feeling blue, and I sense a depression coming on, I don't deny it, I give myself a little time to feel it, react to it, recover and move on. I NEVER get too low. Those low times mean I've missed deadlines, school events and friends 40th birthday parties! The people that love me, know I love them. I'm just trying to survive with hope and happiness! Love and well wishes to you!
Tracy ~ You are an incredible artist, mother and friend! It's great that you keep hanging in there with life and keep working on the issues that bring you down. I'm a firm believer that stress is our biggest enemy. Have a super family holiday! kristina
Too many people are diagnosed ADD for it to be a "disease". Girl, you need to read Renaissance Soul by Margaret Lobenstine. Get it for your beach vacation. It's fantastic! Just remember, Einstein and Da Vinci would have been diagnose ADD, too!
Tracy, just so you know (and I mean this will all my heart) REAL FRIENDS DON'T KEEP SCORE. Please don't ever apologise to me again for not calling or emailing. I mean it. There is NOTHING for you to be sorry or guilty for. I am not judging you in any way. I love you just the way you are at any given moment and my friendship comes totally unconditionally. You will always be "off the hook" with me. xox
You have had an incredibly busy summer. I find travel the most stressful of all even though I love it. I am sorry to hear that one of your "friends" disappointed you. You have such a good heart - I dont want you to pile guilt on yourself. (that is my pattern. What a foolish thing we do, to add to our sorrow with guilt. But who can help it?) Forgive. Forgive your friend for being insensitive and forgive yourself for not being perfect. And then know that none of us are (perfect). We are mostly just scratching it together as you are and doing our best. I have grown to admire and care for you very much. I hope you continue to get help when you need it and to put yourself first. It sounds like that is hard for you but it will help you if you can. Please forgive this old know-it-all for the advice. I just want to help if I can.
Gee Tracy, I don't know you but I love your work. I'm sorry to hear what has been going on with you. Glad you wrote it all out which can help sometimes just to get it out there. You will overcome this. Keep up with the doctors & let your freinds & family know when you need their help. Sandy
So glad to hear that you are feeling better! I figured that was what was going on, and can so relate, as you know. I can't totally withdraw, as I have office work daily, but I notice that I just work on auto pilot, and just "get through" the day. Since I have been working from home, I stay so much more to myself. Sometimes it is great, and other times I feel like a prisoner in my own house. But yet I don't want to leave. I almost feel that I could become one of those people who stays in and is afraid of the outside world. Blah, Blah, Blah....sorry for going on. Hope to hear from you soon, do that we can plan ART and Soul. I think it would be good for the both of us. art and kisses, Natalie
Thank you for sharing the most private side. To let people know there is help and that they are not alone! ..and no better place than your very own blog :)
tracy-i so appreciate your forthrightness in educating many of us on your experience(s)with depression. i found out last summer that a friend and someone i greatly admire suffers from depression. i am not sure they are aware that i am aware. but i feel my responsibility as a friend is to keep in touch-whether i get a response or not. i let them know i am thinking about them...and then i will get a response out of the blue-sometimes several months later and THAT IS OKAY..it makes my day when this happens. Suffering from depression and trying to navigate through daily lives is a tough battle and for those of us not suffering from depression we need to try and understand this navigation process. although distance separates me and my friend, i will never cease my part of the friendship bargain. You are a dear for helping the rest of us understand and your candidness is so endearing. hugs to you sweetie!
It is so good to hear from you... I am so glad that Tami was there to kick you in the butt to call the Dr. :)A lot of us can relate, Hang in there!!! Lots of hugs...
oh, Tracy, I'm so glad that you posted, and thank you for sharing with us. I was worried about you, afraid that you may have gone into the grey. Dear heart, you are not alone. I battle too, and it's one of the things that draw me to check in on you. Even tho' I'm not your "friend" in person, I've been familiar with your works for years now (even have a couple of them!)and when I got to 'know' you thru your blog, I could so relate. To know that there are others that understand is such a comfort. Good for you for going to the doc and thanks to the friend who knocked on your door! I keep quite a safe distance from most people, don't let them too close, so they don't get upset with me when I recoil. THANK YOU for being letting us that care for you know what is going on. ((hug))
Tracy - it's so good to *hear* from you. I can relate on many levels to what you've said and how you feel and can only imagine the internal struggle you have on a daily basis. You only have to answer to yourself, nobody else. I know I've said this before, and it's true. You have to take care of yourself; if you don't, who will be there to inspire the rest of us? ;) Be well, sending virtual hug from California...xo
I'm so glad you posted hon! I've been worried about ya. You've been on my mind daily and in my prayers. I've actually come pretty close to just driving over and ringing your doorbell a number of times myself when I didn't hear from you, but I wasn't sure if it would be helping or intruding so I always chickened out. -- You are such an amazing woman and I feel so blessed to count you as one of my friends! If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be getting the help I so desperately needed. Thank you so much for keeping after me until I did what I needed to do. -- I love ya girl! Let me know when you feel up to company and I'll be there with bells on! ~Paulette

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