Brutally Honest

It's friday night.  My girls are gone for the weekend, things are quiet...I'm waiting for hubby to get home with dinner.  (italian, yum!)

A few minutes ago I was sitting on my bed watching tv and brushing my wet hair when I saw a video clip from ABC Evening News that touched me so strongly that I felt I needed to talk about it here.

If you can, please take a peek at this video clip before reading on.  It's regarding the HPV vaccination, btw.  Something that I know many people feel strongly about in both directions.

For those of you who don't know me personally, (if you haven't discovered it by now on earlier posts in my blog) I tend to be overtly honest about myself. 

It's not always a good thing to just lay it all out there, the good, bad and the ugly.  There will always be people who will take someone's character flaw, weakness, insecurity, etc. and use it to their benefit.   I believe with all my heart that the benefits of openly revealing my struggles and human frailties far outweigh the backlash of criticism or judgment that often follow. 

That said, mainly for my benefit while preparing myself for the words to follow, I would like to voice my personal view on the HPV vaccination.

The subject of the hpv vaccine was recently discussed during a coffee break at the neighborhood bunko group I attend.  There are at least 3 or 4 moms with little girls under the ages of 9yrs.  We are all pretty conservative as a whole and more than half of us have been in this particular group since it began 6 years ago. 

The controversy was regarding the following statement as quoted on the cdc.gov website regarding the vaccine...

"The HPV vaccine is recommended for 11-12 year-old girls, and can be given to girls as young as 9. The vaccine is also recommended for 13-26 year-old girls/women who have not yet received or completed the vaccine series."

  Several of the moms were upset regarding the fact that they would have to broach the subject of sexually transmitted diseases to their first grader who may only know the "stork concept" of where babies come from.  Someone said that she'd heard the above age frame was the most effective age for a girl to receive this vaccination which would supposedly protect the recipient throughout her lifetime.

After listening to the discussion for a few minutes, and mind you, I have two daughters who are 14 and 17 and although we have discussed this, they have yet to receive the vaccine, I decided to share something very personal about myself to my group.  I know that my bunko ladies are safe and to share wouldn't be harmful to myself. 

After seeing the video clip above, I felt strongly that I should share it here too.  Most of my friends will probably already know this little factoid, most of the readers of my journal won't.  (I'm stalling, huh?)  ok, here goes.

Short & sweet without all the details I usually include. 

When I was first married, I was 23.  I'd decided at 19 that I was going to remain a virgin until I got married.  (became a christian during that time, etc.) Surprisingly, I abstained and had a wonderful honeymoon.  At the age of 32 I divorced the father of my girls and began dating for the first time as an adult.  (I can honestly say I wasn't quite an adult at 23yrs).  I was a single mom for 5ish years and was involved in several relationships during that time.  (separate relationships...not lots happening at once).  With this 5 year period I was given HPV.  It's only been a few years since I was told during my annual dr. exam that it had been discovered the link between HPV and cervical cancer.  My doctor said that the usual practice of giving pap smears every year has changed and that now, only people who are positive for HPV must get a yearly pap smear. 

My reason for sharing this is to encourage women, mothers of girls, to educate yourself on this vaccine.  It can't be placed in the same category of supplying your preteen with condoms and a free ticket to be sexually active.  I was a virgin until I got married, which saved myself from the dangers of sexually transmitted diseases.  At 35 yrs, as a divorced woman in a monogamous dating relationship, I was exposed and contracted HPV.  If there had been a vaccine when I was a little girl, cervical cancer would never be an issue in my life.  Unfortunately for me and many other women, it will be something that will always be something I must watch out for.

To see the ABC news report detailing the pros and cons, you can go HERE.  You can also read online regarding the facts of the HPV vaccine as well as the facts regarding the HPV virus by visiting this link.   ox

Comments

[Maija]

I appreciate your story. I, too, had HPV. After having a procedure done to mimimiza my risk of cervical cancer, my cerix was so scarred that I had to have my 2 boys via C-Section. At 38, I needed a hysterectomy and had my cerix removed at the same time. I grew up educated and aware of STD's and precautions, yet I got it as an adult. You can still get HPV after you are married because it only takes one partner for it to spread. I have boys,who can also contract HPV, but the one thing I would do if I had the choice for a daughter, would be to thouroghly review all the data and make my on decision if the studies and clinical trials are acceptable. Thank you for your thought provoking post!

[Jen Osborn]

you get big applause for putting yourself out there so personally! My sister contracted HPV in college and wasn't told until numerous "abnormal" pap smears later that she had HPV. She went on to undergo multiple horrific treatments to her cervix and even today has problems that we are sure are related to having HPV. She's had a 3 month miscarriage and is so thankful to have been lucky enough to be blessed with a daughter after 4 horrible years of trying everyone's "get pregnant" advice. I took my 12 1/2 year old to her 1 year physical this year ... and while we decided to wait 1 more year before vaccinating (she was already getting 2 other shots at that visit and got hysterical over the idea of 1 more) she and I had a very thorough talk about HPV (and other STDs) and she agreed that she should be vaccinated before High School. As a family member of someone who suffered greatly from HPV, I want to thank you with all my heart for posting this on your website and raising awareness!!! Problems are never solved by hiding them under the rug ... talking to your children about sex and STDs does NOT make them want to rush out and try it! As the parent of 2 teenagers, I've found out that it does the opposite. They have a fair understanding about what sex is about and are in no hurry to experiment to learn. It's the children of parents who refuse to talk about it (or are too embaressed) who are more often than not promiscuous. You're brave and get huge respect from this mother of a teenager girl! xox jen

[PJ]

Thank you for sharing something so private and personal. You make absolutely wonderful points. I strongly agree...this HPV vac. is NOT in the same 'grouping' as condoms and BC at all. I'm late commenting on everything and finally getting back into everything. Hope your dog is ok. Safe travels.

[elizabeth]

tracy, you are brave and strong......i enjoy your blog.....but this one is especially touching...well done......elizabeth

[Lisa Kaus]

Hi Tracy, Been enjoying your blog for a long time- This post caused me to do bit of research, another side to present. I have not made a decision to whether I support this vaccine or not but my past experience has always led me to believe that the very large pharmaceuticals tend to paint a very rosy picture with there best interests usually in mind- Here is a link of another individuals blog that has some good information- Just copy-paste into your browser. thanks-take care http://didwesaythatoutloud.blogspot.com/2007/02/hpv-vaccine-what-they-dont-want-you-to.html

[Heather]

Tracy, I think that it is great that you posted this. I, sometime in my past, also contracted HPV and since I had had regular check ups it wasn't caught until it was too late to completely head it off. As a result I had to go thru very many checkups and procedures while also trying to maintain my ability to carry a baby to term. We had great difficulty trying to conceive and I consider it a miracle that I finally did and we had a healthy baby. When it comes time to have her vaccinated.. we most definitely will. I would hate to see her undergo the same fear and heartbreak that I did.

[Suzanne Renfrow]

I just saw an article in Focus on the Family magazine, and they endorse the vaccine! They are definitely against pre-marital sex, but they said that the vaccine is most effective when given to girls while they are still young. So if a conservative organization like that endorses it, I think I would have to go along with thinking the vaccine is a positive thing!

[kim]

tracy~ i share your shoes and in my younger days wasnt smart about unprotected sex so now i am paying for it and i do have a 24yr old daughter who has issues also for the stupid things she has done in her past! so i stand right along side of you..if i was there i would be hugging you~~someday i will meet you and we can hug! xoxo~kim

[Tami]

Thank you for your honesty. Here is my honesty. Statistically speaking, any woman that has had sex, and most of us have, and has not contracted the disease consider it luck that they haven't. The Gov't tells us that 50% of all sexually active women will get this. Steaks are hi here. Get your girls vacinatied as early as possible. HPV is not from sexual promiscuity, your daughter may be a virgin when she gets married. If her husband wasn't and carries this to her without knowing it then we as mothers have done our job to protect them no matter what. Just think 12 women that are sitting around Bunko and have 8 daughters amongst them. These daughters range in age from 7 to 17. If the public statistics are correct that 50% of all sexually active women will get this then, 4 of them will get it unless they don't want kids. What 4 would you choose? But, if all 8 are vacinated before they become sexually active, none of them will get it!

[Tyn]

Great post Tracy. I don't have kids.. I can understand a parent not wanting to discuss sexually transmitted diseases with a nine year old- but the reality is knowledge is power.And those 9 year olds see the commercials. For the first time in history we have a chance to possibly PREVENT a cancer. That is huge! I have friend who has cercial cancer. Let me just say- I would rather discuss sex with a 9 year old( in an approprite way) than have her go thru the rest of her life battling cancer.

[May]

Thank you for your very candid post. I think you are very brave to put it all out there on the www. As the mom of a teenage girl, I don't have a problem with talking to my daughter about sex and HPV. I don't live in a bubble where I think because of our religious or moral beliefs she will never have sex. What I do have a problem with is giving my daughter a vaccine that has been rammed through the clinicals and is being funded by ONE drug company that will make untold millions. What are the ramifications of this drug years from now? We don't know.

[Lelainia]

Tracy, I can't imagine why anyone would not want to protect their child's health-sexual or otherwise. When our kids are little, we teach them all about thier bodies, but we leave out the most important stuff-the parts that we really need to talk about in order to help them be educated and keep them safe. Knowledge=power! I have an almost 16 year old son. When he was in grade 5, I signed him up for a workshop with a well know sex educator so he could learn the facts of life in a comfortable environment. The woman who taught the course was brilliant and very kid friendly and all the parents attended as well. I can't tell you how good I felt about him attending this class. In the last 2 weeks, as part of his classes in high school, the kids have been learning about STDs and sexual health. I am thrilled! The bottom line is, we MUST stop being so afraid of talking to our kids about this kind of stuff. My son is amazingly forthcoming about things he wants/needs to know and as a result, I believe he will make informed choices when the time is right. I am confident that if he has anything to discuss, he will come to me. He knows I am can talk openly about sex without being embarassed about it. As parents we set the tone. If we make it no big deal, neither will our kids. We give our daughters a German Measels vaccine to protect them from getting the disease if they ever get pregnant and giving it to their babies and causing major birth defects. I don't understand how the HPV vaccine would be any different! Getting the measels vaccine doesn't mean they are going to run out and start having babies! Why are people so stuck on this "if we do x, y, or z it means they will run out and have sex!"??? It's warped thinking! It's adding 1+1 and getting 3! And what can we say to girls getting the vaccine? Simply put, "This will help protect you from getting a certain type of cancer when you are older."

[Cindy Ericsson]

Wow, Tracy, that's brave of you to post. Thank you. I have sons, so I probably will never have to make a decision for my child on this, but I think it is so much easier to do this when the girls are younger. The decision for a younger child is made for them, not with them, and is strictly a health decision. There's no threat/accusation of giving a child tacit approval to be sexually active before marriage. It's probably hard for some parents to choose wisely because of that fear. I do think the vaccine is a good idea, and I think we will learn even more about how effective it is over the next few years as it is used in the general population. Because there is still much to learn, I'm not sure I agree with those who would make it mandatory at this time. I do hope parents and children are able to make wise choices that are not based in fear.

[ruth rae]

Thank you Tracy for sharing your story.I strongly support the HPV vaccine.